Tainted Love by RC Christiansen

Author:RC Christiansen [Christiansen, RC]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-09-04T05:00:00+00:00

Seven

Loud Silence

The main house is empty, the guesthouse is empty, and my fucking bed is empty. I’ve been sitting here in radio silence for five days going insane wondering how far I pushed Pax past his breaking point, wishing I had said or done something differently. He said he loved me because I felt like home, never judged him, and never asked questions. I guess I screwed all of it up and I wonder if he still loves me, or if he’s ever coming back.

I’ve spent the last five agonizing days trying to do anything and everything not to hit the bottle to numb the throbbing in my chest and stuff down the tears, but there are only so many things I can do to keep busy.

It’s gotten so bad that whenever I hear the roar of an engine, I run onto the street like a lunatic hoping it’s Pax, only to find out it’s one of the twins or both of them, or some other fucker that makes me realize how much I love him and need him to come home. By Wednesday, I was so stir crazy I took a cab down to the tattoo parlor and spent three agonizing hours in the chair getting my first and last tattoo, it fucking stings but it reminds me that I am alive, that I am deserving of love, and in a way, seeing it define my hip, I realize how much I can’t bear to be without Pax. I’d hoped getting a tattoo might set me on common ground with him and get him to tell me the story of how he got all of his. I’ve asked a billion times, but he’s always shut me down. If he won’t talk to a shrink I figured maybe he could learn to talk to me.

Then when I woke up this morning to an empty bed again, I promised myself I wouldn’t do what I’ve been considering since the night he left, but now that I’m sitting here staring at a bottle of whiskey, I know what I have to do.

Like Pax says, I’m not allowed to turn into my mother.

I grab my backpack, my keys, and my helmet and head out to the main garage. I haven’t been in it since Dad’s death, but I have no choice now. I need the Harley he left me. I’m going to Fairmount to find Pax and bring him home.

I take a deep breath as I hit the keycode on the panel on the wall and wait for the door to open. Stepping inside I take a quick glance around and ignore my inner hurt that tells me to either cry or break some shit as I spot the bike, climb on, flip the kick stand, and start the engine.

The bike is hella heavy, but the rumble between my legs is so powerful my heart begins to race as I rev the engine and tell myself that no matter what I see when I get there, this is my only option.

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